Monday, January 08, 2007

Happy New Year and random thoughts . . .

Happy new year to you all. Well, all two of you that may actually read this, at least! Here's to a great year filled with all kinds of great and glorious things.

Do you ever feel like your life is going nowhere fairly fast? I do, particularly lately. Before going deeper, I must make a few qualifying statements. I have a terrific family. Despite the occasions in which we feel the crushing need for mutual strangling, I really love each member of my family. Also, I have a great job that I love. I've really got it going well in these areas, so, you may ask, why am I complaining?

Lately, I’ve come to the conclusion that I don’t have much of a life. For most of my life, I’ve defined fulfillment as the ability to do the things that I enjoy doing, like playing video games, reading books, watching movies, and listening to music. Or, I’ve looked forward to certain events like concerts, or scheduled “hang out time” with friends. But, as of late I’ve been finding these activities strangely empty. They’ve always brought me joy and satisfaction, but now they don’t. It’s really weird. I mean, for about as long as I can remember, I’ve found satisfaction in these things and now I don’t. It’s almost like having the flashlight turned out in a dark room, and that flashlight was the one that I always used to find my way around.

Also, I’m part of the weirdest contradiction. When I’m in school, all I want is to be on break so that I have the free time to do these things. But now that I am on break and have the time, I find myself bored. I made the mistake of mentioning this to my Mother, and she had the "terrific" idea of putting me to work around the house. But, here’s the thing, while I want to have something to do, that’s not it. On the other hand, I do think that I’ve been becoming a somewhat more responsible person lately, at least in practical areas. For example, I’ve been making an effort to complete jobs that need doing, even if it’s not really my responsibility to do them. I’ve also tried to do things without grumbling, which I’m not always successful at.

Then, to top it all off, I find myself in a place of uncertainty about where my life is going to end up, and how I'll get there. (wherever there is)

So, forgive me for venting like this in a Happy New Year post and thanks for listening.

P.S. This song really sums up how I feel.


LittleDreamer said...

Oh, Ada, I do understand. But regardless of what you may or may not think your life does have a purpose. There is more to life than games and some of the frivolous pleasures we induldge in, and I know things will turn out a-ok for you. Don't be discouraged, God has a perfect plan for your life. I know what you're going through, and there is light at the end of the tunnel.

Jackie said...

I think perhaps it is time to update your blog...